Chapter 1: A New Beginning (Part 1)

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Chapter 1: A New Beginning (Part 1) Empty Chapter 1: A New Beginning (Part 1)

Post by Warchief on Thu Oct 15, 2015 6:00 pm

The road is a long one, full of danger and the unknown but one cannot deny the beauty of the outdoors. The young orc looks around at his surroundings, pondering which way he should travel first to start his adventures. He sees a forest to the west, mountains in the distance to the north, open fields to the south and east was back home. He begins to walk, letting his feet decide which way to go and so he goes west toward the forest. Upon reaching the forest entrance he looks around once more attempting to sense any dangers that may await him once he enters. He draws his blade in caution so he may be ready for any surprises and proceeds into the forest. The forest is dense with only one clear path through the trees. He hears many birds and the sounds of various small animals but he does not see any that are threatening or worthy of a meal. He cannot shake the feeling however, that he is being watched but it is just a feeling since he still sees nothing. He continues walking, sniffing the air and listening intently for any sign of what may be watching him but all he can smell, is the distinct smell of herbs and spices.

*sniff, sniff* “A druid must be nearby. I have heard tales of wandering druids and know a little about their magics from our shamans but I have never before met one. I wonder if this one is friend or foe and whether it thinks I am trespassing or…”

Before he can finish his sentence, a man appears from out of the trees.

“You are not trespassing, I assure you. This forest has no keeper at this time for it seems to do well enough on its own. I however am here because the spirits told me that you would be coming through these woods off on some sort of adventure for honour and to prove yourself worthy to be a leader of your clan. I seek to join you on your quest of honour and aid you in what way I can.”

“How did you know of my quest and that I would come through here? I think I know the answer because I have heard tales of your people and our shamans have similar magic but I do not wish to assume.”

“Your shamans use the elements and the spirits for their powers, where the druids use nature, the world around us and a spirit guide for ours. My spirit guide told me of your adventure and to meet you here so here I am. Come let us move on. I would like to be at the other side of the forest by nightfall and then we can discuss more over a meal.”

“Sounds good to me however, I did not catch your name. May I ask who you are?”

“My name is Mytolio and yours?  The spirits told me of a young orc and of his adventure but they did not tell me your name.”

“My name is Galnorath Gargen, son of Warchief Galnorath Gargen. It is customary as the eldest son to take the same name of my father but now that I am of age, I must become worthy of it.”

“Pleasure to meet you, now let us go before it gets dark.”

The two continue through the forest, reaching the other side as the sun starts to set. They see a clearing at the side of the road and decide to make camp. Mytolio reaches into his pack and pulls out a seed, muttering some sort of spell as he does so before tossing it on the ground. As it hits the ground, it bursts into flame but does not burn the area around it.

“There a nice controlled campfire that doesn’t use up any wood. Now I can cook us a good meal and we can figure out where best to go from here in the morning.”

“Impressive. I have some leftover meat from the camp. A good steak will be a fine meal to share with a new friend.”

“Steaks it is then and you are in for a treat.”

Mytolio takes his frying pan out of his pack and sets it over the fire and tosses a couple of herbs on the  pan before placing the meat on them. He then sprinkles some spices and lets the meat cook.  The moon begins to become visible in the night sky and the two both see that the moon is full tonight. Galnorath looks over at Mytolio and notices that the man’s face is now more fur-like, his full but short beard looking like fur, his eyes turning from a hazel green to a bright yellow, yet Mytolio does not seem to notice the changes.

“You are a werewolf aren’t you?”

“I feared that you would be able to tell right away but yes I am a werewolf. I am however in control of it for the most part. You see my face changes somewhat but I still keep my consciousness and the full transformation in check. It is just probably best if we avoid cities on full moon nights just in case the people notice the changes and begin to fear me.”

“Fair enough. I am impressed. The stories I have heard about werewolves, the person cannot control the transformation.”

“One of the perks of being a druid. Now let us eat, the meat is ready.”

"Delicious! Best tasting meat I have had in a long time!"

"I am glad you like it. Now we should probably get some rest. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow."

The two set up their camp and Mytolio casts a spell to conceal it from any that might seek them harm so they may both sleep in peace. Galnorath lays down undoing his sword belt and places the blade beside him. He lays on his back, looking up at the night sky for many moments before drifting off to sleep.

Morning comes again and the two pack up their camp then make their way back to the road, towards the city. It is not far and they make it there by mid day. They enter through the gate and find themselves in the marketplace. Looking around, Galnorath sees the many booths of food, other various supplies and the busy streets of the city.

"Let's split here for now and purchase the supplies we will need for the road. I will meet you in the tavern by sun down."

"Agreed but be careful. This city likely has many skilled thieves that will try to free you of your coin purse or your blade."

"Ha! They will try but I will be careful. Meet you in a few hours."

The pair split off, Mytolio to the markets to buy food and supplies and Galnorath makes his way around the streets to find information. A little girl rushes by him snagging his coin purse on the way. Galnorath grabs her just as she is about to disappear in the crowd.

"Hey! Let me go! Can't you see I'm in a hurry?" Rose exclaims, wiggling in his grasp trying to escape.

"Yes, a hurry to escape with my coins. I do believe that is mine little thief." Galnorath says with a stern look, keeping his grasp firm so she does not wiggle out.

"Thief? Me? You must be mistaken. I saw it lying on the ground by your feet so it must have fallen." Rose says innocently with a smile.

"Ha! Good try little one. I may be an orc but I'm not as thick as most. Perhaps you can be of use however. Are you interested in an adventure?" Galnorath asks.

"Adventure? Where?" Rose inquires.

"I don't know yet but I seek honour and to make a name for myself. There should be lots of fun and perhaps some profit to be had." Galnorath says.

She looks down for a moment hiding a couple of tears but then brushes them off and looks back up at him.

"Ok sure! Sounds like fun! This place was starting to get boring anyway. Although you smell funny so can you put me down now?" Rose asks.

"Hehe cheeky little one but yes. I am meeting a friend in the tavern in about an hour. After some food and rest we will head out for the road." Galnorath says as he puts her down.

"Ok! See you big guy!" Rose says waving to him as she leaves.

With a smile on her face, she runs off. Galnorath shakes his head and turns to move on. He looks around and notices a strange sight. A man in bright yellow robes but no signs of being a magic user. Stranger yet, he enters the nearby temple. Galnorath heads toward the temple and enters, curious as to what this man might be. Upon entering, he sees the man in the centre of the temple cross legged in meditation.

"Strange to see a man in bright robes enter a temple. Such bright robes are normally the sign of one who practices magic but you do not appear to be one." Galnorath says, addressing the man.

"Not quite as strange as an orc entering a temple. I am a Shaolin monk, trained and raised by my order. I came to this place to meditate and rest before finding some adventure. How about yourself? What is an orc doing in a temple?" The man asks him.

"I am curious about what you might be since you do not appear to be someone who would call this temple his home. I too am seeking adventure to bring honour and make a name for myself. Perhaps we can travel together? I am meeting others in the tavern shortly perhaps we can discuss where we might go from here." Galnorath says.

"Hmm perhaps. It would be wiser of course to travel with others. I will come with you to this tavern and meet the others." The man says as he stands up, ready to leave the temple with him.

They leave the temple, heading towards the tavern and enter. Mytolio is already there reserving a table. Galnorath approaches the table with the robed man and both take a seat. The little girl finds them there too moments later and sits beside them.

"Well I see we have more companions. Who might you both be?" Mytolio inquires, seeing the man and the little girl approaching the table.

"I am Ben Dasheng Shinobi. Most people just call me Ben. I am a monk of Shaolin order." The man in the yellow robes says, introducing himself to his new companions.

"I'm Rose! I'm a halfling and not a little girl as most might think. I came here on an adventure with my mother but she fell ill and died here. I've been living here since, doing what I can to survive but it has gotten kinda boring and you guys seem fun!" the little girl says, introducing herself to her new companions.

"I see. I am Mytolio, a druid of the forest sent by the spirits to help guide the orc Galnorath Gargen on his journey to be worthy of his title as the eldest son of a Warchief. I am also a good cook so we will always have good food on our journey." Mytolio says, introducing himself and Galnorath to Rose and Ben.

"Oooo food! I like you already!" Rose exclaims, getting excited.

"Now let us order some drinks and discuss where we go from here. Waitress! Drinks all around!" Galnorath says loud to attract the attention of the waitress. While they wait for her to arrive at the table, Mytolio gets everyone's drink order so he can tell the waitress.

"What'll you be having?" The waitress asks them.

"Red wine for Rose, a daiginjo-shu for Ben, grog for Gargen, and turafara for me." Mytolio says.

"Alright I will be back with your drinks." The waitress says and she heads back to the bar to get their drinks

"Dragon blood wine fer me! Sorry couldn't help but over hear ya goin' on some sort of adventure? I be going on one too and I wouldn't mind joinin' ye if ye'll have me. My name is Nina Nefzen. I'm a highland elven ranger." Nina says, piping in her order and introducing herself to the group as she finds a seat at their table.

"A ranger is a fine addition to our group. You are most welcome." Mytolio says as Nina finds her seat.

"Hmm five companions. A fine group indeed for us to all seek honour and a name for ourselves." Galnorath says scratching his beard.

"Here are your drinks lads and lasses." The waitress says, arriving back with their drinks.

"Much appreciated thank you." Mytolio says to the waitress.

The companions all contribute toward the drinks and the waitress happily walks away.

"Now where shall we go from here? Surely there are many dangers out in the world that are in need of adventurers such as us?" Galnorath asks the group.

"Always but the spirits were quiet about details on where your quest will be only that I should join and help you on it." Mytolio says, looking down as if not knowing is bringing him dishonour as a druid.

"My mother and I always found lots of adventure to the west. Rumour has it that there are ruins of an old temple there that has recently been active again. Dragons have been seen in the area as well as all manor of dark creatures. They weren't there when we passed by there a year ago so something or someone must have found something of interest there to cause all of that." Rose tells the group, having learned and heard many rumours from her days on the streets of the city.

"Hmmm... Dragons, magic, dark creatures. Sounds like a good place to make a name for ourselves if we stop whatever is going on there." Galnorath says, still scratching his beard, contemplating the risk of the adventure.

"It will be dangerous for sure but we all have our own unique skills that may just make this possible. It will be best that we approach this slowly and see what is going on in the towns nearby these ruins. No doubt they will be the first of many targets for whatever is brewing there." Mytolio says as a warning.

"Agreed. The rest of you in?" Galnorath says, coming to the conclusion that the risk with be well worth the honour and glory of the quest.

"An old temple desicrated by evil? Yes we must cleanse it and once it is cleansed, it may be just the place for me to start my own order. I'm in for sure!" Ben exclaims, eager to cleanse the evil and bring new honour to his order.

"Plenty o' targets for me arrows and making a dragon or two fall from the sky will definitely be satisfying fer me. You bet yer arse I'm in!" Nina exclaims, almost spilling her drink in excitement as she stands, raising a fist in the air.

"Well then it is settled. We leave at dawn tomorrow." Galnorath states.

The group slowly finishes their drinks and retires to their rooms. Rose returns to her hideout in the city to pack and get the rest she needs, slipping a few extra coins from many of the drunken patrons on her way out. Tomorrow will be a big day for them all and a chance at a new beginning.

Last edited by Warchief on Thu Oct 15, 2015 9:15 pm; edited 2 times in total
Slayer of Duriel
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Post by Kaldair on Thu Oct 15, 2015 7:20 pm

Oooh - I like it - a lot!

One area to ponder is verbs - tense, voice and plurality. In the last sentence, for example - group is a singular noun, even though it refers to more than one! Thus, the group "finishes" and "retires". As to tense - both the narrative and the conversations are in present tense - but danged English - there are variations in each tense. We have Present continuous, Present perfect and Present perfect continuous. There's also passive and active voice to consider. Generally, you are looking to choose one, then make them all match. So when talking to Ben, you have "was curious", "might be", "appear to be", "would call", "can travel", "can discuss" and "might go". Thus "seek" should be "am seeking". Mostly things are matching, however, because you have a good ear for it.
I'ma little iffy on taking a conversation and forcing identity - it's awkward to tack on, or otherwise configure identity into each sentence of a rapidly moving conversation in a group (blah blah" said Rose, Ben noted "Blah blah", etc - not to mention it adds more verbs into the mix). I suggest making each speaker unique enough in pattern & word usage that the reader immediately susses out who is speaking - much in the way that you did for Nina. As an added benefit, it brings each character more to life, giving them an identity which is unique, preserves interest and contributes to a sense of continuity.
Nevertheless - well done - and fun to read!

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Post by Warchief on Thu Oct 15, 2015 7:39 pm

Thanks for the feedback I will have to proofread it again and sort it out. I did figure that the dialogue would be a problem since there are multiple people contributing so I will fix that as well. I don't think it is as much of a problem in the other parts due to there only being two people speaking. As for tense and verbs, I did probably miss a lot since I only quickly looked over it so once it is fixed, I will be sure to add that it is edited.

Edit: As for the character development, currently they have just met and they all don't really know each other yet. Since the story is in Galnorath's point of view (or should be anyway if there is a point of view issue) he has not yet experienced how each of the characters actually act and behave yet. Nina is an obvious exception because of her accent but even she isn't very detailed yet. I could probably expand it but I will have to think on it and figure out how to best add to their characters in this chapter.
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Post by Warchief on Thu Oct 15, 2015 9:16 pm

Done the edits as suggested by Kaldair. That should add a bit more context to the characters and the dialogue. Enjoy.
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